KWTFYA
KWTFYA = Know Who The Fuck You Are.
It’s been a season of trials and tribulations. Of sandwiches and takeout. Of crying while laughing and laughing while crying. Baby, it don’t feel good.
I watched Jerrod Carmichael’s special called Rothaniel and it is good. It shows that being honest about who you are is liberating but also complicated because the ones you love might reject you. It’s still worth it to stay true to oneself. Aren’t some of our elders a living example of how detrimental it is to hide the truths of our identities? There’s peace in being you. In liking what you like. In loving who you love.
It took me until my late twenties to realize that I didn’t know very much about myself. And that there are a lot of parts of myself that I hide and suppress. I didn’t know what my boundaries were, what my triggers were, that I was a people pleaser, that I resented my elders for being the way they are. I didn’t know that I liked to write and do other creative stuff. Time and exposure to different people and new relationships and settings helped me learn more about myself. In that, I’ve started a journey of trying to know who the fuck I am and to nurture who I discover.
Some thangs about me:
- I am a mood setter and enjoyment haver. I have the whole setup for when I take an edible at home. Got my loungewear, music, shows, books. Got the bath, shower, candles, meal I’m about to cook. I know how to get the vibe right.
- I’m a rebel in denial. I often feel like a bold spirit trapped in a scared mind and body. A rebellious spirit in a rule-following mind if you will.
- I buy expensive stuff, but I get my money’s worth. I wear/use items until they are no longer wearable/useable.
- I stay daydreaming. It’s probably what’s gotten me through much of this life. I stay using my imagination.
- I’m half hard and half sentimental. I’d like to write all my people a love note at least once. Just to show appreciation.
- I be dancing when high. I dance sober but not like when I’m high. Come dance it all out with me.
- I’m a daughter of nature. I don’t like forced things and I love to follow the flow. I often disconnect from myself when I get caught up in this world’s flow. It’s always a pleasant reunion when I come back to myself, though.
- I be chefin when drunk or high. I used to come from the club, cook a steak, eat some, and put the rest in Tupperware in undergrad. Peak Taurus?
- Every time the edible hit, I say “baby I’m high.” It’s now tradition.
It’s my zodiac season and I’m excited. It’s a year of following my spirit and doing the things I’ve been too scared to do. I’m outchea and scared as hell but we move. Sending love to y’all this end of April. Remember, April showers bring May flowers.
