Thirties is where it’s at
Thirties is where it’s at. I’m in a place where I can buy good weed, enjoy my space, listen to Leon Bridges, eat well, assemble furniture, or do whatever the fuck else I want to do.
This post was written in August 2021. I’m grooooving to WSTRN’s Night & Day. It feels like this song has been on for 20 minutes and I love it. I had a quarter of a cookie at like 5pm today. I’ve been productive this week and I wanted to treat myself. Also, I want to be vibing today because I’ve been triggered by a book I’m reading. Idk why I feel like I need to justify my weed intake. Nvm I do.
I got an end table/bookshelf and it’s taking me so long to understand the instructions. Even longer to assemble the pieces and screw them in. I decided to take a break when I realized a mistake I made means I have to undo half my progress. If anyone wants advice on assembling furniture while high, it’s a 0/10 don’t do it. I’m taking serious missteps with this end table and it’s stuff that is simple. My sense is in the clouds and will be back when this THC ride is over.
I’m so happy to have my own spot where I can just be. I’ve been so anxious about living alone because it amplifies my loneliness. So even though I hate dating apps, I’m on them anyway. I matched with this very interesting guy who is also African. We chatted and he was seemingly awesome with a good sense of humor. I was looking forward to talking to him more but he stopped responding and I didn’t hear back til days later. He had an apology with good reasoning. He gave me his number and we moved to the phone. It was giving nothing. Like????
This reminds me why I’m single and why not just anyone can be in my space. Because when I find my mans, I know I won’t be getting this alone time. I have been trying to remember that I still have time to build a healthy relationship and be happy. I don’t know why people think life ends after college. Thirties is where it’s at. I’m in a place where I can buy good weed, heal, enjoy my space, listen to Leon Bridges, eat well, assemble furniture or do whatever the fuck else I want to do. Like take the time to enter a healthy relationship.
That. Is. Enjoyment. Many of our elders didn’t get that time and honey it showsss.
I type these sincere sentiments then switch back to iMessage to see if he’s written. Because maybe I don’t get text notifications when I’m typing in notes? Bird thoughts. Both things are true: I can be grateful for my solitude while also yearning for a man. The flesh is weak. For your information, I deaded it when he reached out again. I’m a recovering bird.
Maybe I’ll publish this and it’ll get so popular that it’s turned to an HBO show with no white people because they never showed up in my high thoughts.
It is kind of nice to be in my thoughts (which is why I keep messing up this furniture) and to listen to good music. Ayra Starr - Memories is the song that’s holding me down right now. What do the Trinis say? TUUNE (I believe this reads “chune”).
So Issa, would you like to work with me? I swear Insecure is what got me back to HBO. Most everything else was white for a minute there. But um, this show is practically written so we don’t need to take long breaks in between seasons 🙃. You know African compliments and /or requests for help also got digs in them. I say this knowing that we are not a monolith but also knowing that many people in the continent stay doing this shit.
I’ve had about 5 wings too many and I can feel it by the pleas to stop coming from my stomach. I put the rest away and wash my hands. I’m going to wait this fullness out so that I can have a popsicle. Diet Starts on Monday is the name of a DC club that closed. It’s also my favorite phrase when I think or talk about diets and calorie deficits. Maybe I’ll stop saying this when the book I’ve been reading kicks in.
It’s a book for people who have trauma and just feel stuck. They try to make positive changes and live differently but they keep failing. I really recommend anyone who has had trauma to look into healing work. A series of toxic relationships taught me that I’ve got a lot of healing work to do. My traumas plus cultural traditions informed which jerk I chose to fix, perform for, and please. I now realize I have to change that shit.
Which is why I want a man who is also doing his own healing and who is self-aware. I’d, of course, like him to be taller than me, great looking, fit without expecting me to be fit, etc. But if healing ain’t on his mind then I don’t want nothing from him. Some more things I’d like: get me a nigga who loves to read. Who will read to me and ask me to read to him. Who shares deep things he got from the books and who has good recommendations. While we’re at it I want his clothing to be quirky and adventurous but also very skaterboy. This is my fantasy before you start judging. He also needs to be able to spice up a tailored suit and have a mean shoe game. I’d love for him to be romantic, loving, open, and full of bright, uplifting energy. I’m healing so that I can have this energy too. This is this high African Daughter’s prayer.
You should know that I edit my writing while high. Goodnight.
Tonight’s Soundtrack:
